Something More
by BGlanders
Summary: A Kagato POV fic. A prequel to the Villian's Crusade


PaRt 1

"I've been to heaven and hell, and I still don't know if there's a God

or a Devil."

-Jhonen Vasquez 

*** 

BGlanders presents...

Something More

*** 

"Where am I?"

All things considered it wasn't that bad of a question to be asking. 

I was surrounded by a void, a blackness that seemed to almost have

structure.It felt... cold.Disorientating.It was not a sensation

that I find agreeable.I had been doing something... something

important when something happened... and then...

# Where am I

I remembered a fight.A fight with a boy.I remember how confident I

felt, how completely wonderful life was about to become for me.Finally

I would have the answer to the question.Finally I would have the

Tsunami unit.Finally I would be able to see.

# Where am I

I remembered fighting with my child.She was so strong, so quick, so

desperate and without cause.She was losing, and I was winning for all

time. Finally I had achieved my goal; the Ship of the Beginning was

mine.Finally I had reached the end result of five thousand years worth

of isolation, hatred, fear and desperate yearning.Finally, I would see

that which I had sinned so many eons for.

# Where am I

Then the boy came.He was... magnificent.This was not the same boy

who had challenged me on the planet earth, oh no.This was something

else, something that I could not begin to describe.This was perfection

in an imperfect being, planted there by one with no ties to rationality,

for this boys powers exceeded rational understanding.We fought each

other for merely seconds, yet at the time I felt as if years were

passing.His power... the power of...of something more.That's the

best way that I can word it.He was something more than myself. 

Something more than I could understand.

And in the end, he defeated me.

_ _

_Where am I_

I died.I'm quite sure of that fact.However if I was truly dead, did

that mean that this was Hell?

# Where

Or maybe there really was nothing after death.

# Am

Either way, I remember thinking that it would be nice to know just what

exactly is going on.

# I?

"Where am I?"

"You're here, of course."

*** 

A moment before, it had been a swirling void.Now the man called

Kagato found himself standing in the most beautiful garden he had ever

seen.All around him, the scientist saw petals touched with colors so

soft and bright that they seemed to illuminate the grove he was standing

in.The grass felt soft underneath his feet and the sweet smelling air

of the flowers was in abundance.

Kagato was now quite sure he was in Hell.

"What is this place?How did I get here?"Kagato waited for the voice

to answer him, but all he was met with was silence.In the distance,

the soft babbling of a clear stream running between two grassy hills

broke the silence.The scientist stood as still as a statue, trying to

absorb everything as best he could.

"Like I said, you're here.Where else would you be?"

Kagato spun around to face the speaker.Where nothing had been a

moment before a little girl now stood.She was small, about four feet

high and her face...Kagato shuddered as he stared into the girl's

pasty white face.There was something about it, something hauntingly

familiar... The Way her golden eyes gleamed with intelligence, the color

of her hair...Kagato felt a stone settle in his stomach and a lump

form in his throat.A cold sweat broke across his brow.

"You.I know you.You're... you're her, aren't you?

The girl smiled and took a step towards Kagato, who took two steps back

in pure terror.

"Yes, I'm her.My name's Hotaru.I'm very happy to meet you, Kagato."

The child giggled as Kagato slowly tried to take hold of his senses. 

After doing his best to calm his nerves, he took a deep breath and spoke

slowly to the smiling child before him.

"You're dead.I know this for a fact.So if I'm speaking with you,

does that mean that I'm...?"

The child shrugged and giggled again at the scientist.

"I wouldn't know about that, but I'm pretty sure this means you're

dead.I can't think of any other reason that you'd be here unless that

was the case.It is strange though..."

Kagato once again looked at his surroundings.By the creek a beautiful

patch of purple flowers were in full bloom.Several bees were attending

them.Kagato turned to face the child again, then froze in place.The

girl had vanished.

"Interesting.Am I to assume that this is some kind of game then?"

Suddenly the air around the mad scientist was filled with childish

laughter.Kagato looked to the sky, as that seemed to be where the

laughter was coming from.As the sound continued, several birds grew

tired of listening and flew away from their tree sanctuaries.The

laughter, which at this point was starting to hurt Kagato's ears,

suddenly stopped.It was replaced by the same childish voice as before,

but this time it seemed to emanate from the very garden itself.

"You will come with me, Kagato.You will come as I take you on a

tour.I think you'll enjoy what I have to show you, my friend."

Kagato snarled as the garden around him started to melt away into

nothingness.Where green grass, beautiful flowers and cool streams had

been a moment before, now only a white, endless void remained.In a fit

of anger, the scientist started to scream.

"First you will tell me what is going on here!I demand to know where

I am and how it is that you're here!Tell me!"

At that moment, the world exploded with color.

*** 

The entire world around me seemed to explode with a radiance that was

almost blinding.I shielded my eyes and braced for whatever attack

might have been coming.Hotaru... that wasn't her real name.She was

playing with me, trying to twist my perception of reality.This was all

some cosmic game to her, and I was the pawn.

When I opened my eyes, I was taken aback with what I was presented

with.I was standing in what appeared to be the throne room of the

Jurain royal palace.All round me stood the trees of the Sight, the

holy trees that allowed the emperor of Jurai to see into the immediate

future.Actually they served as a Sword of Damocles, striking down any

that were unfit to take the royal throne, or so the legends had said.

At the foot of the throne room stood a man who was cast in shadow.He

was garbed in the robes of a Jurain noble, but his face was hidden by

the shadows of the trees.He stood at the top of a great staircase

while I looked up to him from the base.For a moment I believed him to

be the cause of my dilemma and outstretched my hand, ready to call my

sword to me.Then the man at the top of the stairs spoke, and my blood

froze in my veins.

_He had my voice._

"I was the Emperor of Jurai once."

I stood in stunned silence as the figure slowly descended the

staircase.The trees around him turned brown as he passed then became

green as he continued down the great staircase.Behind the man stood

what looked like a boy, but a light that was too bright for me to see

through silhouetted him.I could only make out his shape.As the man

came closer to me, he continued to speak.

"I was the ruler of the entire galaxy.I had the power of God at my

command.I was God, for the briefest of moments, but do you know what I

did to achieve that power?I had killed, pillaged and destroyed

countless worlds to strengthen myself.For decades, I traveled from

planet to planet alone and filled with hate.I sought the power, the

ultimate power that most men only dream of, and for a brief instant, I

felt myself finally become something more than I was."

The man came closer, and as he did I was finally able to see his face. 

His hair was a different shade, and here and there I saw several

differences, but in the end there was no doubt.

The man who was speaking was I. 

"Then the boy came.The grandson of my best friend and most hated

enemy.I though that he was nothing.I thought that I was the one, and

that he was little more than an obstacle to remove from my path.Then

we fought, and as we did I started to see something inside the boy that

I had never known.I started to realize that this boy, this half-breed

from a remote, backwater world, was defeating me.I tried to ignore it,

to tell myself that it wasn't true and that I really was the one, the

one who had achieved the ultimate level of power in life.Then the

trees... the trees themselves came alive and spoke."

The man, my double, gestured behind him.The trees lining the royal

stairway suddenly illuminated, and in them I caught a glimpse of what

appeared to be the planet earth.The leaves from the trees turned

different shades of brown and gold, and one by one they slowly started

to gently fall to the ground.

"In an instant the trees told us both everything and nothing all at

once.They had chosen their master, and their master was the boy.At

that moment I knew that everything I had hunted for, that everything I

had searched desperately for and had slain thousands to achieve, had

been taken from me.At that moment, I realized the lesson the trees had

given me."

The man, my double, put his hand on my shoulder.The moment he did I

felt a shudder of disgust run through my body.Why was this thing

telling me all this?Why was he speaking of his weakness so openly?I

felt a great hatred growing inside me for this thing, this less than

human copy that stood before me...

_This copy._

"It was beautiful, my friend.I saw the true power of Jurai for the

first time, and that power opened my eyes.I suddenly realized that the

true power wasn't something to be hoarded and obtained, but rather

something to have bestowed.I was weak in that I couldn't accept my

station in life and that I wanted more than what had been granted me. 

In the end, my lust for power became my downfall."

I felt a growl forming in my throat as the thing before me continued to

talk about self-fulfillment and the rediscovery of its feelings.I felt

myself becoming sick from the words this copy of me was speaking.

"So what you are saying is this; you discovered how pathetically weak

you were and you took pleasure in this knowledge?"

The thing nodded, a smile on its hideously familiar face."My friend,

it was not the knowledge that I was weak, but the knowledge that my

purpose in life had been fulfilled.Most people go through life never

knowing why they're in this mortal coil, but I... I found my purpose."

"That being?"

The false me, the other me,

_The lesser me_

Smiled at me with a look on his face that sickened me.He looked so

peaceful, so grotesquely content in his defeat that it was all I could

do to keep from retching.Then his voice, calm with defeat, only added

to my feelings of nausea."I was simply meant to be a part of something

more, that's all.When I tried to control it, I merely scratched the

surface.You see my friend, to control that which is out of our reach

is to try to hold the sun in your hands.You'll only end up getting

burned if you try."

I stood and stared until I could stomach it no longer.Without a word

I formed my energy sword in my hand and brought it across the thing's

neck.

The blade hadn't cut all the way through, but the thing before me

crumpled to the floor.I spit on the corpse out of disgust, then looked

to the throne at the top of the stairs.It was then that I heard

Hotaru's voice echoing though the throne room.

"There it is, Kagato.There's the throne of Jurai.It's all yours, so

why don't you take it?After all, if this Kagato was able to take it,

why couldn't you?"

I felt my rage build as I answered the impudent child.

"Very well then, I will take the throne for my own.If this thing,

this... copy could sit upon it, then I should more than easily be able

to claim it for my own!"

As I started to run up the staircase, I noticed that the stairs

themselves seemed to be multiplying.Soon I realized that no matter how

fast of how far I was to run, the throne was always at the same distance

from me.The laughter of that devil child filled my ears as I stopped

to gasp for breath.For some inexplicable reason, I was horrendously

out of breath.

"You fool, you didn't kill a copy.That man at the base of the stairs

was you, but a you from another place and time.Besides, unlike you, he

was real.Unlike you, he was born to his name and power.If he

couldn't hold the power of Jurai, then what makes you believe that you

would have a chance?"

I watched as the throne room suddenly dissolved into nothingness as the

garden had done before.Once again I was left floating in an empty

void.As I floated I made a silent promise to myself that whoever was

behind this would pay with their lives once I had freed myself from this

hellish game.

*** 

Kagato floated for what could have been either an eternity or mere

seconds, in the end it didn't matter.The scientist quickly decided

that time had no real meaning in this infernal place.Then, once again

the voice of the child Hotaru reverberated from all around the mad

scientist.

"The level of your evil must truly be bottomless.How could you be so

inhuman as to kill another man in cold blood, especially when that man

was yourself?Then again I guess that to ask of anything not inhuman

from you would be asking too much, all things considering..."

"My actions were completely justified, child.He was weak, and not

worthy of the name he carried.I have never tolerated weakness or

frailty in myself or those that would serve me.To tolerate frailty is

to invite failure and disappointment unto ones self."

"Is that why you killed him?Because he was admitting his failure?"

Kagato nodded and scrunched his brow slightly in frustration at the

memory of his doppelganger.He had killed his double because that false

Kagato, that thing had broken the golden rule.To admit one's frailty

is to admit defeat.One who exposes their frailty is one who asks for

death.

"You don't get it yet, do you?I figured as much.You know for

someone as smart as you claim to be you seem to be awfully dense at the

moment.Maybe it's the Xerox effect taking hold.You know, the old law

stating that a copy is never a sharp as the original..."

Kagato clenched his fists and screamed into the void, his usually calm

exterior shattered.

"How dare you say that to me!I am not a copy, do you hear me?I am

myself; something defined by my will, not by someone's desires!I AM

NOT A COPY!"

Hotaru's laughter was the only answer he received.Then, without

warning he found himself somewhere tangible.He was lying on a pile of

warm straw in a cold metal room that was eerily familiar to him.As he

tried to get up from his new makeshift bed, he realized two things; the

first being that he was naked and covered in bruises.

The second realization being that he was now female.

Before the scientist could comprehend what he was seeing, a metal door

in front of him slid open, and in it, the scientist was once again faced

with what appeared to be himself.

*** 

pArT 2

"The passions that drive us should be ones we respect and admire.To

feel contempt for one's own motivations is a vulgar thing.

Too often, it seems, I've succumbed to less than admirable compulsions

driven by this furiously reprehensible machine of mine.

So many things inside that I can do without- desires and longings and

what not.

So extraneous.

By the time I write in this book again, I hope to be as cold as the moon

that lights this page."

-Jhonen Vasquez

*** 

I remember coming to on a soft pile of straw in a dark, metallic room. 

Instantly I knew this to be another game, but I decided to play along

and see where this illusion was going.As I tried to get up, I realized

that this time the illusion had affected my body as well as my

surroundings, as I was now female.

This was getting most annoying.

Before I could bring myself to my feet, a metal door before me slid

open revealing... myself.It was another me, but this time it was

exact, not vague like the last one.This time, the I standing before me

was truly a physical copy of myself.

He, my double, advanced on me before I could even open my mouth.His

grip was like an iron clamp on my shoulders, and his breath stank of

chemicals.I tried to summon my energy sword, but to my horror I

discovered, then remembered, that Ryoko's energy well was cut off when I

had her confined to her cell.

I was helpless, a prisoner to myself.I tried desperately to fight my

way out of his grip, but in the end he just squeezed tighter.I felt my

shoulders bruising from his tightening grip, then I flew backwards as he

struck me across the face.Suddenly I realized that I had been in this

exact situation before.The only difference was that last time; I had

been on the giving end of the punishment.

"What is the first lesson?"I heard his voice, 

# My voice

Echo like thunder in my ears.For some reason I felt my entire body

shiver uncontrollably.Then my mouth opened and started to answer, but

to my horror it was not of my own volition.

"That your word is the law, and that nothing is greater than you."

I felt my, or rather Ryoko's body, shivering so violently I thought she

was going to soil herself out of pure fear.I realized at that point

that I was wrong in my first assumption; this was not my body reformed. 

I was now inside the body of my daughter, and was now reduced to nothing

more than a passenger inside of her mind.

"And who am I?"

His voice

# My voice

Was so cold, so strong and powerful yet empty in our ears.It was like

listening to some great, hating machine that knew it was greater than

those that had created it.It was at this point that I realized

something that chilled me to the bone.This was my own true version of

perfection; cold, uncaring order, unclouded by emotion.The sheer use

of power and the power of one's presence were the tools of leadership,

and here I was, the embodiment of those principles to the utmost

extreme.

So why did I suddenly feel so afraid?

"You're Daddy."

Daddy.That was the name I had made my daughter call me from the

first.It was how she was to know me, to see me in her life.I was her

father, her daddy.I was to be the center of her universe, and there

was to be nothing else that would ever be seen as being higher than

myself.I remember to what lengths I had forced this principle upon

her.In order to make her fully appreciate my hold on her, I decided to

take command of every aspect of her life.

She was to have nothing sacred, nothing hidden.I was to be the first

and last, the whole of her existence.To do this... To do this I

forced myself upon every aspect of her being.

"Come, my little Ryoko.Come to Daddy and we'll start today's lesson."

I saw my hand hesitantly reach out for his, then felt his tighten and

crush mine.While Ryoko flinched from the pain, I let out a surprised

cry.It was then that I realized the final aspect of this new

arrangement.

Just as I could discern her, she could discern me.

# Who's there?

'I am.'

# Who are you?

'No one to concern yourself with.'

# Who are you?

'I told you, I am no one to concern yourself with!'

# Did Daddy send you?

I froze.The fear in those words, the sheer terror in her voice made

me hold my tongue.At that moment she was not a woman or even a child. 

At that moment she sounded like a frightened animal.To hurt animals is

something that is beneath me.I hurt those that can defend themselves

against it.I hurt my daughter to teach her to stand up to hurt, to

ignore it and finally to dismiss it all together.To hurt this however,

would be to accomplish nothing.

'No.Daddy didn't send me.'

I felt her relax slightly, then she tensed again as I, our attacker,

pinned us to the straw mat.I knew what was coming next; the proof of

my mastery.The establishment of my power.I knew the purpose of this

act, but for the first time ever, I suddenly found myself disgusted by

it.

When it was over and my other had left the room, I found my host body

crying uncontrollably in the corner.Strange, I hadn't remembered her

ever crying once when I had been with her, not in over two thousand

years.This was a side of my daughter that I had rarely viewed- one

that I had sneered at in disgust.This was what I had always believed

to be weakness.This is what I always saw as something fixable in her.

*** 

Ryoko remained huddled in the corner of her cell for several hours

after her 'Daddy' had decided to pay her a visit.After crying for

countless minutes, she managed to calm her nerves and tried to forget

what had happened.Meanwhile, I was becoming most annoyed.

'Why are you crying?'

# What?Who's there?Who are you?

'I asked you a question; why are you crying?'

_Who are you?Please, tell me your name... Are you... are you one of_

_Daddy's creatures?_

'I...'

# Did Daddy send you?

Even though I had already been asked this once, I paused at this

question for the second time.The words Ryoko spoke in her head made me

give an involuntary shudder.A creature.A thing, a creation of

limited intelligence with a limited set of instructions.She thought I

was nothing more than yet another means of torture concocted by my other

self.

'No, I am not one of your Daddy's creatures.'

# Then who are you?

'I am no one.Just an observer.'

It was true.After all, I had been reduced to nothing more than a

mental passenger in her head.

# Oh.My name's Ryoko.What's your name?

'You still haven't answered me; why were you crying?'

_Oh... because... when Daddy does that to me... It makes me feel bad._

'What do you mean 'feel bad'?You're a machine, a weapon devised and

created to be beyond emotions.How can you 'feel' bad?'

_I'm not a machine; I'm Ryoko._

'And what is Ryoko?'

_I don't know._

'What do you mean 'you don't know'?You just said you were one, so what

is it?'

_Ryoko is who I am, except when Daddy is punishing me.That's when I_

_hide far, far away where he can't touch me._

'What do you mean you hide?You were right there with him, the entire

time.'

_That wasn't me._

'Then who was it?'

...

'Who was it, child?'

_That was Zero._

'Who is Zero?'

_She's the one who Daddy's hurting.Zero gets hurt so I don't have to_. 

_I don't like to be hurt._

A multiple personality.After several millennia of constant study I

was shocked that I hadn't picked up on it before.It made perfect

sense, when beings were exposed to a traumatic event, the often times

came up with drastic mental defenses to deal with the problem.

The child was still crying slightly, but her initial trembling had

subsided.The best thing for her was sleep, to try and rest up for the

next visit from my doppelganger.Being nothing more than a mental

passenger I was limited as to how to make this blubbering child cease

her tears and go to sleep.Then a sound like a soft whistle came to me,

and I realized that Ryoko had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion.

"The poor thing just can't seem to keep up with you.In fact, from the

looks of it you were going pretty hard there for awhile.Some

frustration you're not telling me about, Kagato?"

That voice.It was as grinding as sand between glass.I turned around

to face the child demon, only to find her standing beside a curled up

sleeping Ryoko.I was free of my child's mind.The demon thing Hotaru

chuckled at me again, for what felt like the thousandth time.

"Be silent, demon.Either continue this game or leave me be but be

silent."

The child-thing laughed again, this time it seemed to mock me with its

tone.I summoned my sword once again and charged the creature,

screaming for it to be silent.I brought my blade down as hard as I

could, only to be met with a force field.The child snickered as the

world around us once again melted away into nothingness.

"You still don't understand, do you?You still can't see the lesson

here.Very well, I think one more trip might be in order..."

Before I could ask her what she meant, the world once again exploded

with color.

*** 

ParT 3

The setting sun has left the sky.

The light grows dim.

I thought I was a brave man.

My thin sleeves are wet with tears.

-Hitomaro

*** 

From space, it looked like any other planet.

It had oceans of thick clouds around it with patches of brown and blue

peeking out here and there in tiny shafts, like a child wrapped in a

blanket on a winter's day.From orbit, no one would know what if any

troubles might be occurring on the surface.From orbit, one wouldn't be

able to see the countless millions that could have lived there.

Kagato and Hotaru appeared in the quiet void of space, hovering just

above the planet's upper atmosphere.Kagato, who now somewhat used to

the child's tricks, was only slightly surprised at his new

surroundings.After finding his voice, and more importantly finding

that his voice was somehow working in the vacuum of space, he spoke. 

"So demon, what would you show me here?"

Hotaru chuckled and answered the scientist while facing the giant

planet beneath them."You're so closed off, Kagato.You can't seem to

see past your own beliefs of life and conquest.Why?"

Kagato snorted and faced the planet."Conquest is the key, the

stepping stone to true obtainment."

"And what is the cost of that obtainment?"

"There is no cost, because true obtainment is beyond any price."

"And just what is it that you would so desperately obtain?It has to

be something special, after all, you murdered your other self for

'giving up' in your eyes."

"It's not your concern."

"I don't see why it can't be.After all, it was enough for you to

torture poor little Ryoko for several thousand years, so whatever it is

must be important."

"I said it is not your concern!"

"And let's not forget the millions you murdered in your insane holy

crusade!Thousands upon thousands were slain just so you could march

on, a mad general leading an army that doesn't exist to a goal that only

he could see!"

"ENOUGH!"

Kagato moved to strike Hotaru, but once again the child had vanished. 

Her laughter however, was echoing about him.After composing himself,

Kagato turned his attention back to the planet below him.

"You don't understand.No one... could ever understand my quest."

Kagato felt a shiver, and in an instant he found himself amidst a vast

wasteland.While somewhat thankful to be on solid ground, the

scientist's attention was completely enthralled with his new

surroundings.Empty charred shells of what were once buildings stood on

splintered, rickety legs.Where concrete and steel once loomed, now

only dust and debris could be seen.Even the dry, coarse air that

whistled hoarsely through the cracks of the once great metropolis seemed

stale and old, like the breath of someone on their deathbed.

The world Kagato was on was dead.

Kagato began to walk down the deserted rubble that was once a street,

wondering what surprise Hotaru had planned for him this time.After

wandering for several minutes, Kagato had yet to see any sign of life

amidst the charred valley of destruction.Then, a sound almost as faint

as the whispering wind caught his ear.

Kagato froze in mid step.Straining his senses, he could just barely

make out the sound.After climbing over a pile of gray, dusty concrete

ruins and crossing a small field of rubble, he came across the source of

the sound.

The child was small, no older than six or seven, and in desperate need

of food.Her frame shuddered each time she drew breath, and her

dirt-covered face was marked with the telltale streak marks that tears

often leave.Her dress was filthy and torn, the pink in it being only a

shadow of its once radiant pallor.

Kagato stood silently before the child until it finally noticed him. 

When she finally realized that she wasn't alone, she gave a frightened

scream and backed into a corner.Kagato could now see dirty and

infected cuts lining her arms and legs, no doubt from the shards of

broken glass and rusting steel that jutted at random amidst the man made

wasteland they were now in.As the child huddled in terror, Kagato

slowly made his way to the tiny child.After a quick visual

examination, Kagato realized that the child only had a few short hours

left until mal nutrition, disease and dehydration would claim her life. 

Curious, Kagato dropped to one knee and looked the child in her wide,

terrified eyes.In his usually calm, icy voice, the scientist addressed

his newfound companion.

"What happened here, child?"

The frightened girl wiped her nose and continued to cower.Kagato

remained calm and tried his best to suppress the urge to just get up and

walk away.After a bit of thought on the matter, he went down a mental

list of interrogation tactics that seemed to work best on children, then

tried the easiest one.

He smiled.

"Don't worry little one.I'm not here to hurt you.Now tell me, what

happened here?"

After a few moments consideration, the little girl did her best to stop

shivering, then started bawling hysterically.To the mad scientist's

surprise, the child ran into his open and somewhat confused arms.As

the frail child sobbed in the mad doctor's arms, Kagato felt something

stir inside of him.

_Pity._

"The ship... It came from the sky and... my mommy and daddy tried to

stop it... everyone tried but... it was all so fast!Everyone ran and

ran, but in the end... it... it... they couldn't stop it!"

Kagato held the child for what seemed like an eternity.After some

time had passed the mad scientist caught himself petting the child's

head.After a time, Kagato gently pushed the child back and dried her

tear stained cheeks.

"So there's no one left here?You're alone?"

"Of course she is, you fool!This world is dead!"

Upon hearing Hotaru's all too familiar voice, Kagato turned his back on

the terrified child and looked around for his unwanted travel partner.

*** 

"From orbit, it looks like nothing more than a giant, fluffy ball.On

the surface however... Would you believe that this child is the last

survivor of her race?Pity..."

I looked to a spot that had been vacant a moment earlier, and standing

there, true to form, was Hotaru.To my surprise the tiny demon was

crying.

"Why are you crying, demon."

"I'm not."

"Don't play games with me!What do you mean, 'you're not'?"

"A demon.I'm not."

"Then why are you crying?"

"This world is dead, Kagato.Billions of lives, each one special, each

one unique, have all been silenced forever.There were families here,

millions of families, each one filled with love and light.There was

beauty here, too.Great forests and rivers, lakes and crystal blue

oceans that were filled with wondrous creatures.This child here is the

ultimate symbol of all the suffering and pain this world has felt.And

when she dies, this world will cease to exist."

"So you weep for the death of this world?But why?Was this your

home, or did it have some special meaning to you?It's just a place,

after all..."

Hotaru had her back to me, but even so I could tell she was still

crying.Her tiny, hideously deceptive body shuddered with each sob.

"I'm crying because this is ultimately all my fault."

I paused.Somewhere deep inside of me a voice was whispering, and as

much as I didn't want to listen, I knew what it was saying.I knew what

the demon would say next.

"Do you know why this is all my fault, Kagato?Do you know why all

these people, and countless others had to die?Do you have any idea?"

She turned, and the look on her face was one of pure hatred.For some

reason, I suddenly felt a pang, a light fluttering inside of me that I

had not felt since...

_Since that boy..._

Fear.That's what it was.I was feeling fear.This child was scaring

me.

"It's because I was weak in life, my dear Kagato.I was always sickly

and frail, but I was also blessed with an extraordinary mind.I was

gifted with the blessings of reason and comprehension, much like my

friend... a professor that both we knew...

"I was dying, I had known this for quite some time.I knew that there

was nothing I could do to stop my body from deteriorating, so in a last

act of defiance I did the only thing I could.My friend had lost so

much in life... seen so much pain...I wanted to thank her for her

years of friendship and devotion during my sickness, so when I left this

world I left her with a gift.A copy.I cloned myself, Kagato.I made

a clone, a soul mate for my friend.Unfortunately that soul mate felt

so inadequate about his origins that he lashed out.First he hurt my

friend, then their daughter and eventually anything he could to quench

his rage."

As she spoke, the world around us once again started to melt away, but

as it did, I could feel my traveling companion melting with it.I

listened, and as Hotaru spoke the venom in her voice was matched only by

her remorse.

"He did all this, and would you like to know why?Would you my dear

scientist?He did it because he wanted to know what it was to be

human.I gave him the power of a God and all he could do with it was

destroy every living thing in his path, just to know what it was to be

real.The saddest thing though, the real kicker you might say, is that

the answer was right there in front of him the whole time.He was just

too separated from reality to realize it.

"If I could change the past, I would never have created that unholy

beast in the first place, but I was all my friend had left, and I didn't

want to leave her like her husband had so many years ago.I'm kind of

soft when it comes to people and their hopes, and that's why I brought

you with me today, Kagato.I wanted you to see first hand what your

life is.I wanted you to see first hand all the good your life has

accomplished.I gave you a vision of your world, what it is, what its

wrought and what it could have been, and now... now it's your turn."

By now, I was once again surrounded by blackness, but this time I felt

as if there were to be no more flashes of light.For the first time, I

felt as if some thick, oily predator had truly engulfed the entire

world.I looked around frantically, my body breaking out in a cold

sweat.For the first time in my life, I was scared of what might happen

next.The fear of death, once only an illusion, was now strangling me. 

I tried to scream for Hotaru, but I felt my own words cut short by the

blackness that was pouring into my throat.

I was dying.

With the last of my sanity, I summoned every ounce of determination

that still resided inside me and let loose with one last, primal scream.

*** 

pARt 4

"The closet is warm at the height of the storm,

Go outside go outside 'cause I'm hiding from you.

The bedroom is dark, but that's the easiest part,

Little monsters see better at night."

-Chloe

*** 

SYSTEM STATUS: OPERATIONAL.

SUBJECT STATUS: RECONSTRUCTING.

...

...

...

RECONSTRUCTION COMPLETE.

MODIFICATION RATIO: 70%

OPERATIONAL STATUS OF SUBJECT: 10%

SUBJECT LIFE SIGNS STABALIZED.

INITIATE REANIMATION.

...

...

...

REANIMATION COMPLETE.

TOTAL TIME ELAPSED: 30:7:22:16

That was all the log could tell me.When I awoke I found myself curled

up on the cold, metallic floor of the med lab.I was covered in a

thick, blackish substance that had somehow made its way down my throat. 

After vomiting bile onto the steel floor for several minutes, I

attempted to stand and get my bearings.

I was in my ship.The Soja.At least, it looked like the Soja. 

Everything seemed compact... smaller for some reason.After regaining

the use of my legs, I made my way over to the nearest council and read

the log.

"30 months..."

On one hand, I was amazed at how much time the reconstruction had

taken.On the other, I marveled that after having been completely

destroyed my machines had done so much in such a short amount of time. 

A shiver ran through my body, reminding me that I was soaking wet and

naked.I mentally commanded my drones to bring me my robes.

After a few minutes, I was still standing by myself, by now quite cold

and miserable.I tried to tell myself that the ship wasn't ready, that

the automated systems weren't fully activated yet.As I put my hand on

the edge of the steel table beside me, I drew back reflexively.

On my finger, a tiny sliver of red was forming.

I was bleeding.I had bled before.When the boy had cut me with his

sword was the first time in several thousand years anyone had even

gotten close enough, but there were other times, mostly in practice when

my skin would be breached.

This however was the first time I had ever felt it.

As the situation finally started to come into focus I was forced to

steady my trembling form on the table beside me.Shakily I turned

towards the computer and once again read the log for my reanimation.

MODIFICATION RATIO: 70%

OPERATIONAL STATUS OF SUBJECT: 10%

In the unlikely event of my or the ships total destruction, the

computers main frame was backed up and stored inside a tiny sphere

located inside a makeshift life boat.If the ship or I were ever

terminated, the sphere would instigate a reconstruction via thousands

upon millions of tiny nanites.Unfortunately, in the event that some

parts were eliminated completely, the computer was designed to improvise

as best it could.

For what may have been an eternity, the halls of my once mighty ship

resounded with mad, hysterical laughter.

*** 

So here I am.

After regaining control of my sanity I found some clothes, just a white

shirt and some pants, and headed to the bridge.After punching in a

destination I sat back in a make shift captain's chair and let my Soja

fly.

Apparently my Soja did its best to fix me, but in the end it could only

go so far.It's kind of ironic really; for thousands of years I

searched endlessly for a way to prove my superiority only now to be

reborn as that which I thought I was conquering.

For years I searched for the end result of my existence, an ultimate

goal.For years, I was searching for something more.After countless

years of endless searching I finally realized that until my death I

never really knew what I was searching for.

My entire life has been just one big blind farce.I'm not saying that

I've given up, mind you.To give up in life is my one unforgivable

sin.To quit is to die, and death is currently not on my list of

priorities.I've been stripped of my powers, my longevity and in a

sense my god hood, but in return I've been given something that no

amount of power or destruction could ever yield.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I've undergone some great,

incredible change of morals.You see, I realize now that before, my

eyes were covered in scales.Only now, now that I've seen my path in

life I realize that I've simply been heading in the wrong direction.

I'm not saying my journey is over.I'm simply saying my journey has

just now begun.I'm not going to atone for my sins, but something

inside me has changed, and whether my vision was simply the result of my

mental synapse being reconstructed or the actions of something beyond my

control it really makes no difference.All that matters is that for the

first time, I think I see which way I'm supposed to go.

And if I hurry, I won't have to travel that road alone.

On a planet beyond the far reaches of space a little girl is going to

die unless someone intervenes.

It's not much, but it's a start.

*** 

Notes:

This fic was started a loooonnnng time ago, then forgotten for months. 

Recently I rediscovered it on my hard drive and started playing with it

again. This has been the sole focus of my work for the last three

weeks.It's like a void that I needed to fill, and until that void was

filled nothing else could get done in my world.I don't really feel

that this is done, but at least I got to the end, and that's a start. 

Ahh well, next up... Devil chapter 3!

Kagato and Co belong to AiC and Pioneer

All C&C should go to BGlanders@aol.com


End file.
